Trust

This pic is from Pinterest

Before I even begin, I want to say that last week Audrey Caylin did a post similar to this, which you can find here. And her blog post brought things to the surface that I haven't thought about in a while, things that I'm going to talk about today.


So. Trust. This is a big thing for me, and definitely something that I struggle with... a lot. It is extremely difficult to gain my trust. Outside of my immediate family, there are really only two people that I trust a hundred percent. Actually, it's probably somewhere in the nineties. (You may have guessed that one of them is my best friend. The other is a really close friend, but I tell both of them almost everything.) But sometimes, even the people we trust will let us down.

Although today we have to be careful who we trust, we know for sure that there is Someone who will never let us down. Ever. We can trust Him a hundred percent (even more really).

There are times we try to take matters into our own hands, because who knows what's best for us better than ourselves? And there are times when we tell God that we want His will and say that we trust Him to work everything out, but... we are so afraid of what the answer will be, that we try to make happen what we want to happen.

When we do things like that, we are basically telling God that we trust Him, but not enough to give the matter over to Him completely, telling Him that He isn't capable. But God is capable. Look around you. Everything you see He made from nothing! If you trust him with all your heart, just imagine what He can do for you.

I am pretty future-oriented, and I know that as an adult, a lot of my choices are going to affect the future. But I don't even know what my future is and what it holds for me! There are so many things that are unforeseeable, and not knowing bothers me. But at the same time it's exciting, because I know that if I trust God, in all that I do, I will be a lot happier in the end.

Only a few months ago God tested me. My boss asked me if I wanted to work full time. But in order to do that, I had to give up my summer job, which I love. I did not want to give up that job, so I tried to think of a way I could do both. I even had a few people tell me that they thought it may be better to work full time. After about three weeks of praying, I finally told God that I would give up my summer job if that's what He wanted. And I meant it. Almost immediately I got His answer, and I am glad to say that He wanted me to keep the summer job. Afterwards, I realized that God was testing me, to see if I would give up something that I love if He asked me to.

So even though I was afraid of what the answer might be, I gave it to God, trusting that He would take care of me, no matter what.

But remember, even if we make the wrong choice, God will not give up on us. "The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down" (Psalm 145:14 NKJV). "Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholds him with His hand" (Psalm 37:24 NKJV). Isn't it wonderful to know that even when we fail, He'll still be there?

Everyone struggles to trust God in some way. So I encourage you to find verses in the Bible that remind you to put your trust in Him, and only Him. Then, commit them to memory so you'll have those reminders whenever you need them. Here are a few verses that help me:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV)

"But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31 NKJV)

"For the Lord of hosts has purposed, and who will annul it? His hand is stretched out, and who will turn it back?" (Isaiah 14:27 NKJV)

"being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ." (Philippians 1:6 NKJV)

Here's A Little Something

Since I feel kinda bad about not having more snippets to share with all of you, I decided to share a short story today. Now, I have only ever written two short stories, but it was this one that made me realize that I might actually be good at/enjoy this writing thing.

I don't write romance. But this story is basically a love story, and the only reason I even wrote it was because I had to for school when I was 16. This was my first love story and I haven't written one since then (and don't plan on writing another one any time soon :P). This is a contemporary retelling of The Courtship of Miles Standish. And just so you know, I changed some things so this isn't exactly how it was written originally.

Here it goes:

Reunited

        "You ready?" asks Marvin.

        "Yup," I reply.

        We both lock our apartment doors, and are now ready to go to Denny's for breakfast. I moved into my apartment roughly two years ago. Marvin lives in the apartment right next to mine, and it didn't take us long to become good friends. He took it upon himself to help me adjust to the city life, a life I wasn't used to. Marvin is a well-known detective in this area, and I work at the local airport. When we aren't working, we do almost everything together.

        As we walk to Denny's, which is just down the street a ways, Marvin speaks, "Dave, can you do a favor for me?"

       "What is it?"

       "I want you to ask Ashlee to go out with me."

       "Sure, no prob- wait, what did you say?" I ask, coming to a complete stop.

       Marvin stops to and turns to me. But he doesn't seem to notice the surprise that I know must be written all over my face. Ashlee works with me at the airport. We've developed a wonderful friendship, and feelings for her came with it, feelings that have become well-developed over the past few months.

       "I said I want you to ask Ashlee to go out with me."

       "W-why me?" I stutter, trying not to give myself away.

       "You're good with girls, you always seem to know what to say. Besides, who else could I ask? You'll do it right?"

       "Well-"

       "Thanks. I owe you one." Marvin claps me on the shoulder before moving on to Denny's.

       I stand there, stunned. I really don't want to ask Ashlee to go out with my best friend. Should I tell Marvin that I can't do this for him? No. No, I can't say anything, because then that would mean I would have to tell him that I have feelings for Ashlee. And if I tell him that, our friendship would be over for sure.

      "You're quiet today," says Ashlee softly, from her seat across from me.

      We're on our lunch break, and today we chose to go to Wendy's. We sit at a small table near the entrance, my back to the door.

      I look up from my burger. "Am I?"

      "Mhm." Ashlee studies me for a moment before saying, "Is something wrong?"

      I stare back at her. How does one tell the woman he loves that his best friend wants to go out with her? What do I do?

      Then, without even thinking, I blurt out, "Marvin wants to go out with you."

      Oh, how I wish I could take those words back. That wasn't how I wanted to bring this up at all. But even if I could take them back, it's to late now. The damage has been done. By the expression on Ashlee's face, I can tell that she is already very upset.

      "If he wanted to go out with me, then why didn't he ask me himself?" she asks, almost accusingly. 

      "Well, he-he's very busy and he doesn't have the time," I say, trying to explain and make things better, but instead only making the matter worse.

      "If he doesn't have the time to ask me himself, then the answer is no!"

      "But he's a great guy and-"

      Ashlee shakes her head. "No! What about us? What about you? Don't you have feelings for me?"

      For the second time today, I am caught off guard. "I-I do. I mean, I don't. I mean-"

      Ashlee stands up abruptly. I look up at her and see that her eyes are shiny, and when she speaks, her voice is thick with tears. "I thought you liked me." She begins walking past me towards the door.

      "Ashlee," I say as I get up, reaching out to her.

      "Just leave me alone," she says as she runs out the door.

      I run my hand throw my hair as I turn away from the door. I notice a guy staring at me from his table across the aisle.

      "Dude, you messed up big time," says the stranger.

      "Yeah."

      I can't believe that just happened. What have I done?

      As I approach my apartment, I pull my keys out of my pocket. Just as I am about to unlock the door, Marvin opens his and pops his head out into the hallway. Great.

      "Hey, I thought I heard you," says Marvin with a smile. "Come on in for a while."

      I hesitate. I don't know how much more of this I can handle today. Why can't it just be over already? But then again, maybe he won't ask me about Ashlee. I mean, he doesn't even know that I talked to her yet. I find myself entering my friend's apartment.

      "Do you want anything?" I hear Marvin ask from the kitchen.

      "No, thanks. I'm good."

      I can't say that Marvin's apartment is exactly appealing. Anybody can tell that he doesn't have good taste. All they have to do is take a look at this place. It practically screams man cave. Just as I sit down on the plaid sofa, Marvin comes out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee in hand.

      After sitting down in a chair that matches the sofa, Marvin speaks. "So. Did you ask Ashlee if she would go out with me?"

      Wow. It didn't take long for him to bring that up. I'm already beginning to question my decision to come in here. But I did, so I may as well just get it over with.

       "Yeah."

       "What did she say?"

       "No."

       "What?" cries Marvin, clearly surprised. "Why?"

       I don't even get a chance to answer before my friend continues.

       "Maybe she didn't know that you were talking about me and not some other guy." He pauses. "I want you to ask her again."

       Now it's my turn to be surprised. Why can't he just accept the fact that she rejected him?

       "She was very upset when I asked her, and she made it clear that she isn't interested in going out with you. Besides, I'm probably the last person she wants to see right now, or the next week for that matter."

       "But-"

       "Marv, I can't."

       "You mean you won't!" yells Marvin, who is very angry now. "I thought I could rely on you. But I guess I was wrong!"

       "Marvin-"

       "Just get out!"

       Knowing better than to stay and try to reason with him, I stand and exit the apartment.

       I don't crawl into bed until about one in the morning. The day's events keep replaying in my head: Marvin catching me off guard at Denny's this morning when he asked me to ask Ashlee to go out with him; how upset Ashlee had been when I had asked her; and how angry Marvin had been when he found out that Ashlee had rejected him. In one day, two great friendships had been ruined. Even though these things keep me awake for a very long time, I finally manage to fall asleep.

      The next day, I find that Marvin isn't in his apartment. At first, I think that he must still be mad and didn't want to see me, so he just went to work. But later, I find out that Marvin had been called away to help an agency with a case in another state. I don't know when I'll see him next, since the length of time for these out-of-state cases is always unpredictable.

      A week later though, I am told that Marvin had been shot and killed while checking out an anonymous tip. This is so hard for me to believe, so hard to accept that Marvin, my best friend, is really gone. I keep thinking that at any moment he'll walk into his apartment and everything will be fine, that it had all just been a bad dream. But that never happened.

     About two weeks later, I sit in my living room, a certain girl very much on my mind. I know she has feelings for me. Over the past couple of weeks I have become quite sure of that. I know I have feelings for her, feelings that are very hard to ignore. If I pop the question the worst that could happen is she'll reject me. But I'll just ask her again because I know she's the one for me even if she doesn't. I can't live without that girl.
     Well, that settles it then. I jump to my feet, grab my coat, head out the door, and am on my way to Kay Jeweler's.
     But when I pull into Ashlee's driveway, I begin to have doubts about this decision. What if I'm wrong? What if she isn't really the one for me? Did I rush into this?
     "No," I say aloud. "She's the one. I'm sure of it."
     I exit my car and walk determinedly to the front door. But what if- stop it Dave, I think. I knock on the door, and Ashlee opens it before I have the chance to run back to the car and drive away.
     "Hi, Dave. What brings you here?"
     Instead of answering, I get down on one knee. But before I can pop the question, Ashlee squeals and hugs me. Well. I'll take that as a yes.


      "You may kiss the bride," says the pastor.
      And I do as I am told.
      When we are at the reception, I see Marvin's ghost, and the specter is walking right towards me. Next to me, I hear Ashlee gasp, so I know she sees him to. But as he gets closer, I realize that it is Marvin himself, not his ghost.
      "Marvin," I say, just barely managing to get the word out.
      "We thought you were dead," says Ashlee, her voice just above a whisper.
      "Yeah, sorry about that," apologizes Marvin with a smile. "I went undercover, and I didn't find out they had told you I was dead until right before I left to come back here. But they wouldn't tell me why they had to do it."
      "Well, we're glad you're back," says Ashlee sincerely as she hugs him.
      Together, Ashlee and and I tell Marvin everything that had happened while he was gone. We asked him how he felt about our decision to get married. Marvin is happy for us and gives his blessing. I couldn't be happier. Not only have I married the woman of my dreams, I reunited with my best friend the same day.




*peeks out from where I've been hiding* Yes, I know. Romance isn't my forte. Believe me when I say that I am sooo glad that they only wanted a short story and not a whole book. *cringes at the thought*

I am not sorry I put you through that. But I would love to know what you think.

My Writing Environment

We all have a writing environment, even if you don't know it. Each of us have different things that we do, and preferred surroundings that help us write. Today, I am going to tell you about my own writing environment, so I'm just going to jump right in head first.


What I Have With Me

Apparently, some of you need to have certain pens, notebooks, clothing, etc., but I don't. I prefer to have everything I'm going to need, or will probably need, for at least the next two hours, before I sit down (once I sit down, it's not likely that I'll move for quite a while). When I sit down, I spend about five minutes checking to make sure that I have everything. Laptop, notebook(s), writing utensils (usually pens), earbuds, sticky notes, books I'm currently reading, and coffee (which is a must). Some of you may be thinking, "Wait, where's the food?" The answer to that is, I can't have food when I'm writing. It's like a distraction for me. I'm still trying to figure out why, but I'll let you know when I do. :P

Fun Fact: Eating dark chocolate every day helps reduce stress. :)

Surroundings/Conditions

I get distracted easily. So I prefer to be in a place that is at least somewhat quiet. Having loud, active younger siblings doesn't help. I only have one, but the dog mind as well make it two. :P I also seem to write better when it is rainy, snowy, stormy, or gloomy outside. And, I can make it rain if I want to. You don't believe me? I'm hurt. :( I can teach you if you want to be able to make it rain to. Yes? Okay, this is how I do it.

Music

Oh, yes, I listen to music while I write. Always have. One of the reasons I listen to music is to block out noise that will be distracting. Some people can't listen to music with lyrics while writing. I don't have a problem with that, although it does take a minute for the music to become background music. Like when you're in a store and they have music playing. You are aware/know that it's playing, but you aren't paying any attention to it. And, if I know that I have an emotional scene coming up, I may switch the song to something slower, something that's not upbeat. (I don't listen to many upbeat songs, so most of the time, I don't have to switch it.)

Location

I'm almost always either in the living room or my bedroom when I'm writing. In both places, I have a spot on the floor that I really like that gives me a lot of room. When I'm in my bedroom, I write by hand, and if I'm in the living room, I type, using my laptop. It's weird/strange, I know. :P Some people like to go to coffee shops to write. I have a very hard time writing in public places (libraries count), mostly because there are way to many people I don't know or trust. So I'm never going to be able to fully concentrate, since I'm watching everybody.



So that's my writing environment. Just one more thing before I end this. Last week I told you that I would try to get snippets up on my writings page. Well, I got one on there. And so you know, I probably won't get snippets up for "The Barrier" until after I do the first round of edits (right now it's kind of a mess).


What about you? What's your writing environment like? Do you have quirks of your own?

January is Over

I can't believe January is over already. One twelfth of the year is gone. That went by so fast! I was trying to think of a good post for today, but then I started seeing everyone doing their monthly wrap-ups. My problem was solved. Then I realized that this will be my first wrap-up. :P

Writing

Haha, yeah, that... I actually didn't do as much of this as I had planned. We were off to a great start... the first week. The first round of edits on Strangers was off to a really good start. But as the month went on, I started writing less and less. Sometime in January (I don't remember when, I just know it happened) I started writing another book, which is the third in the Strangers series (it doesn't have a title yet). And yes, there is a second, and even a fourth, I just didn't work on those this month.

Books

I didn't get as much reading done as I was hoping. I only read five books, so I'm a little behind on my reading goal for this year. But I started reading four books to and got halfway through each one. So obviously, this means I read seven. :P

                                                        

                                          

My favorite was Whispers of Moonlight and my least favorite was The Fiddler. I did really like The Fiddler, I just had to say it was my least favorite because that one only got four stars while the rest received five. :P

Blogging

Well, as you can see, I started a blog. :P I already have ten followers (I didn't think I would even have five by the end of the month). So thanks, guys! :D And I had four posts in January:

Welcome to My Blog

Goals for the Year 2017

The Inspire Me Tag

How I Came To Be Here

Other News

Well, other than everything above, not much really happened. Unfortunately, I seem to be tired all the time, and last month I don't think there was a day that I felt well rested. This whole winter has been different from previous winters. As you may know, I've graduated, so I'm no longer in school. But this winter is the first in the past eight years that I haven't played basketball. Definitely took a little getting used to.
I have told a few people already that I plan/hope to put some snippets on My Writings page soon. I'll try to have that done by the end of this month.


How was your January? Have you read any good books? How's the writing going?