So, today I am going to share with you all a little about writing first drafts. No, not my process or how I go about it or anything like that.
I think that all writers probably have two voices in their head. The first one is that voice that's just done with everything, like why do I even write? And the second is the voice that still cares and wants to do well, and loves writing and everything about.
You're all pretty familiar with these voices right? I know I am. :P I've thought of some pretty ridiculous stuff while writing, and it was basically because these to voices kept arguing. So I decided to use these two voices to show you what it's like for me sometimes when I write first drafts. I promise I'm not insane. :P
*looks at clock* Okay, it's time to write. Today we're going to write sooo much. An absurd amount of words. So many that it shouldn't even be humanly possible. I can just see-
Do we have to? We wrote just yesterday.
Yes. Yes, we do. In order for this book to be published, there kinda has to be book first. And no, we didn't write yesterday. That was two days ago. Now sit down.
*thinks about not doing as they were told*
*narrows eyes* Resistance is futile. *points to chair* Sit.
Fiiine. I'll try to write something decent today. *plops in chair*
Good good. That's a good little human being. Now yesterday we left them-
Yeah yeah. I remember. *begins typing*
Two minutes later. . .
*stops typing and looks up* You know how hard it is to write about a group of friends when you don't have any?
*blinks* Well, yes, I guess I do. Just do the best you can. Alpha and beta readers might be able to help later.
Yeah, but these two characters don't want to cooperate. Can't they at least pretend they have a life? They are so boring.
Then don't make them boring.
Wait, you're blaming me for this?
Well, you're the one who has them awkwardly standing there talking about the weather. They have so many things they could talk about and you chose the weather. But if you really can't think of anything better, then just leave it and we'll change it later.
Sounds good to me. *starts typing again*
Ohhh. I like that sentence.
Thanks. I've been waiting to write that. That sentence right there is what will make us famous.
Wait, which one are you talking about? Because I'm talking about this one. *points*
Oh, I'm talking about this one.
That sentence?
Yes.
This one right here?
Mhm.
. . . Literally, all it says is "No"!
*grins* Yeah, I know. Isn't it the best thing ever written? Oh wait, do you think that counts as quoting Shakespeare? Is that plagiarism?
*takes a deep breath and tries to be patient* Why don't you just keep writing?
Okay.
Eleven minutes later. . .
Why did you just do that?
Because this character is being annoying, and I don't like him right now. So I'm making his life miserable.
That's understandable, but did you have to do that?
Yes.
Well, I don't think you do so stop.
*doesn't stop*
Did you hear me?
Yup, but I'm not going to listen. I'm going to feed them to the fire ants!
What is wrong with you?
*gets really dramatic* I don't know, I'm turning into a hobbit!
Stop quoting Tim Hawkins!!
Seventeen minutes later. . .
So I'm thinking I want to kill off this character. What do you think?
*takes a look* No!
Why not?
Because it's the main character. And you're only on chapter five.
But he's making so many bad decisions. I think he's reached his limit.
That doesn't mean you can just kill him. Main characters are supposed to make bad decisions, that's part of what makes the story interesting. It will also make them more believable. I mean, how many people do you know make all the right choices?
Only one.
Really? And who is that?
Me, of course.
You- I'm not even going to go there. But no, you can't kill the main character.
Please? I already know how I would do it. I always have multiple ways to kill off characters in case of an emergency. This will be quick and painless.
No. No, what you have in mind is torture. That is not painless!
Okay, fine, it'll be quick.
Torture is not quick! It's a process that's drawn out for the purpose of causing a lot of pain. You are horrible at this.
I'm going to do it anyway. *begins typing*
No, you're not! *drags him away from keyboard* I think it's time to stop for now.
Yes!
But we're coming back in ten minutes.
Aww.
Don't "aww" me.
